I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
