Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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