no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
