I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
