we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
