I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
