never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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