shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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