I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
