Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
where does the pee come out of this thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
