spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
