he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
