She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
