I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
