I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
is it fun? or sober?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
