Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
