There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
