My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
