there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
