Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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