Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
