He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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