Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
