omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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