im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize