I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
