chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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