actually, I'm a sock model
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
