I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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