Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
