I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no you cant smoke seaweed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
