I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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