Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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