His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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