omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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