Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
