Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
