Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
