This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
