your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
