i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
