On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just high enough for therapy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
