remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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