I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize