Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude. I can hear the air.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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