is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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