Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
tell me about the fingering
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