That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
