I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize