This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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