I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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