WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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