I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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