he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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