I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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