I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
