i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
