what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
