My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
