Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
