Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize