I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
