If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
