we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
