Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
