areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
