OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
