haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
