Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize