Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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