just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
