ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize