I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize