Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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